UKC

Was on mountain project forums and encountered this, poor guy

https://www.mountainproject.com/forum/topic/120894130/anal-impalement

Let P(A) be the probability of someone jumping off an autobelay 4 or 5 m up and not clipped in - wearing trousers I would presume - and landing on a 5cm wide plastic post (placed there by routesetters to mark off an area) so accurately aligned with their arsehole that instead of the post being toppled over it results in anal impalement?

Let P(B) be the odds of someone making up a story about anal impalement on an internet forum.

In my view P(B) >> P(A)

What do you reckon is the probability of the route setter being called Vladimir?

No idea whether this is real or some elaborate (and baffling) troll, but I do know someone who had a far more horrific skiing accident of a similar nature, so it's not impossible. 

Thread title reads like an extreme death metal band and their latest track.

The matting under an auto-belay is not usually the same as at a boulder wall (firmer and thinner rubber type not the thick squishy mattress type) so jumping off 15ft (4.5m) up isn't too common or clever in that situation. Probably bullshit, or at least stupid.

Agreed, I call BS. However, even if it were true, the thread there makes me dispair for humanity. There are loads of people blaming the climbing wall because some moron allegedly climbed up an autobelay route unclipped and then intentionally jumped off after realising, instead of downclimbing. For the "land of the free" and "personal responsibility" there seems to be a very big tendency to blame others for your own stupidity instead.

His Dad, Bruce, would have kicked the s**t out of that post.

I thought this and I’m normally pretty cynical but I read through about 3 pages of that post and there are about 3 or 4 posters saying they know the guy, the nurse put a post on, someone else, photos of him in hospital allegedly. Either 4 accounts are doing a mega collaborative troll or it’s true  

Both likely and not in any way unprecedented.

From some of posts on mountain project it seems to be acceptable practice over there to solo routes up to the first bolt.

I guess it will be for a court to decide to what extent the victim contributed himself by climbing so close to the closed-off area, but it seems to me that the primary responsibility should rest with the wall and/or the route setter.  Surely it was foreseeable that those posts could injure a falling climber?  Why weren't the adjacent routes also closed?

I was once on a first aid course and was shown graphic photos of a ski racer fatally anally impaled on a race marker pole. Not nice.

Got to be said, I thought it was a pretty poor show that there were so many posters on the original thread calling troll and had thought that it would not be the same here in the UK. I see I was wrong... Just suppose you're wrong BS callers and the guy has his guts hanging out of his butthole. You basically end up looking like total knobheads. Personally I don't think anybody would make up something this bizarre... maybe give it the benefit of the doubt to start off with?

Yes, stranger stuff happens. I know a guy who was camping at a festival when a mini tornado picked him up in his tent. A tent pole impaled him up the arse when he dropped down again. If it wasn't for witnesses I'd be chuckling, saying likely story, but in general it's too easy to call bullshit on these freak events. 

Why on Earth would you be shown this? It's hardly a common occurrence.

I remember standing on the tip of the tree on the sadly departed North Crag Eliminate thinking ‘I really would not like my foot to slip right now!’ You can see how this kind of injury is definitely within the bounds of possibility. 

Some first aid instructors do love to show gore for some reason. Some friends of mine were in one where they showed an exploded scrotum from somehow who fell with their sack having slipped into his leg loop. Sure, it shows a rare potential hazard with climbing, but it's not like a first aider can do absolutely anything in that situation beyond keeping the casualty warm and calm until an ambulance arrives.

I meant the post he fell on, not the poster's post.

The instructor had a big book of interesting injuries for illustration purposes. We were just browsing through it with him for fun during a coffee break.

The degloving pictures were quite amusing too.

I tend to fall on my own posts and get metaphorically impaled.

Dreadful story but I did have a good chuckle at the 3rd or 4th post being 'rectum? Damn near killed 'im.'

This was routine with Whillans harnesses. 

You don’t think people make up some bizarre shit? You should hear some of the “explanations” of how people ended up with household objects irretrievably rammed up their jacksies.

I'm wondering if they used  VEET to remove any hair in the general area pre-surgery.

I am fully aware that people make up some bizzare shit. I just think in this case it would seem a little premature to assume he's lying. I mean it's a fairly believable story, all it would take would be a moments f*ckwittery and you too could be right there... I have no problem with taking the piss - the guy inserted a pvc tube up his butt, that requires bad taste jokes, just not sure I want to say he's outright lying...

If this is true (I haven't read the details) the greatest risk could be infection or sepsis during any repairs.

An orienteer in North Lakes 20-30 years back once stumbled on a cane marker at a control and put the cane through the nose into the brain, cerebral fluid issued from the wound. After that, film canisters or milking teats were put on the cane tops at O events.

DC

Yes, to reiterate: shit happens. Whatever happened to the presumption of innocence? I was guilty of a snigger and doubt till I heard my anecdote verified. That taught me that lesson.

We all still laugh about it, mind... 

Rubbish! I (and plenty of others) wore one for years. My scrotum looks fine. In a kind of last turkey in the shop sort of way.

Got any photos?

I once knew someone who tripped and fell on their ice axe puncturing their scrotum in Chamonix. On their return to the campsite and after a few beers, someone suggested sterilising the wound with petrol from the cooker. This turned out to be a bad and painful idea. Later he had to explain the whole story to the attractive young nurse at the hospital who ended up cleaning and sewing him up. Both eventually failed to keep a straight face.

Not surprised to hear you thought that - I had the very same worry.

I think the tree used to have a tennis ball stuck on top of it to make it less of a worry.

get a room

Ballroom?

the nurse came on a public climbing forum to comment on a patient's treatment?

I had a vaguely similar experience caving. Someone dropped a rock on my hand, splitting one of my fingers open. He just happened to have condoms in his FA kit so we popped one over it to keep the crap out. When I got down to Lancaster RI the nurses were in stitches as they cut away a blood- filled jonny off my digit. How did you do this again ... ?

I guess sitting starts will be out of the question for a bit!

That poor piece of pipe...

Re-read the post, he's posting about the accident on a climbing forum the same day he was anally impaled and broke his vertebrae and is unsure he we walk again. Come off it.

Not noticing the pipe either walking up to the route or when about to jump off also seems totally unlikely, there's likely little traversing taking place in the first 15ft of an auto-belay route, so how has he found himself above this piping?

Total bollocks IMO.

I know someone who got impaled up the arris whilst working at a chippy.

They'd climbed up to close a high sash window, jumped down from the ledge and landed on top of a broom. Straight up the arse and snap. Lovely stuff. Plenty of damage done there, eek. 

£5 says he was trying to entice a gerbil in and it went wrong, hence the elaborate cover story.